Self- flagellation is something I indulge heavily in and though I have a great many grouses, one that unfailingly perseveres to break my heart and shatter it into a million pieces, is my weight.
Yeah suuure, I’ve heard all the lines –”it’s the inner beauty that counts” and “you are beautiful as long as you feel beautiful” and all that crap. Whoever said that, I’d like to see.
But really, it should be the other way round. You feel beautiful when you look beautiful!
I think my weight is the bane of my existence. I am a first born and my mother’s relatives all told her to eat as much as she could so that the baby would be “healthy”. Oh, how I hate that word with a vehemence that even baffles me sometimes! Anyway, the doctor proclaimed the baby to be “very” healthy and such was she to remain always K My mother probably learnt her lesson the first time because a year and a half later, my brother was born and weighed less than a turkey towel, is what they all said.
Getting back to why my weight bothers me so much, I have a whole list that could and probably will fill a book.
Well,I hate having to go to a shop and look for the larger size. I hate not able to buy clothes because they don’t fit me well. I hate having to put down a gorgeous dress because it makes me look huge in all the wrong places. I hate….well, I hate a lot of things about being fat but let’s devote an entire entry to that later,shall we?
I mean, I bet if I became heavily pregnant now, nobody would even be able to tell the difference K
On an extremely dysfunctional level,I tend to associate weight with self-confidence. People who are thin and have spidery long legs, can saunter into a room and own it. They don’t need to worry about tucking away any excessive flab while walking around and even if they threw their weight around, nobody would notice( obviously because they’re so thin.Still.).
But I’m not that far gone that I’d actually get a doctor cut some of my “flabby fat” away( what, do I look like pork to you-cut and chopped into perfect pieces?)
But the silver lining, if any, to being fat is the insane number of “ Yo Mamma” fat jokes you can crack without looking like a skinny weirdo that’s had too much to drink!
My favourite ones are- “ Yo Mamma so fat she jumped in the air and got stuck”’
“Yo Mamma so fat she’s on BOTH sides of the family”
“Yo Mamma so fat she fell in love and broke it”..etc
Point is, they are hilarious and actually help you laugh at yourself.
I have these bouts of introspection and on one such day, I realized how shallow my perspective was and how being “chubby” didn’t have to mean being ‘ugly’ and you didn’t have to be self-conscious and constantly keep wondering what people are saying about your weight.
Just being comfortable in your own skin will automatically translate into an increase in your self –confidence and it’s only when you love yourself that others will love you.
Because, “it’s the inner beauty that counts and you are beautiful as long as you feel beautiful and all that crap”.
Oh, who am I kidding?!
Shruthi Lr
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